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Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Then again, considering Islamic extremists would like to kill anyone who doesn’t read the Quran or beat their multiple wives, we shouldn’t be all that surprised. Even so, we felt bad for Dave. So, to show our support for the father of the “Top Ten List,” we’ve whipped up “The Top Ten Reasons Islamic Extremists Want David Letterman Killed.” Allahu Akbar!
10. Did not think that “Uma/Allah, Allah/Uma” bit at the Oscars was funny….AT ALL.
9. Long-running feud with Biff, the stage manager. Honestly, it’s way too long to get into here.
8. They never forgave Dave for his rude remarks about Sarah Palin’s daughter.
7. Letterman’s longtime involvement with IndyCar Racing won him a lot of enemies within the traditionally Nascar-centric world of Al-Qaeda.
6. Thought it was Allah telling them to take out the late-night talk-show host, but it was actually their friend Craig messing with them while they were stoned.
5. Think the gimmick of a top 10 list is trite and played out. (Editor’s note: Shit.)
4. Have been watching Letterman for 6 years and still haven’t seen that masturbating bear everyone always talks about.
3. Tuned in to find out that night’s show was the fat kid from Modern Family, Khloe Kardashian and Lady Antebellum. You’d be pissed, too.
2. Jay Leno is a longtime supporter of Islamic terrorism. It’s the worst-kept secret in Hollywood.
1. Seriously. They’re just dicks.
According to Entertainment Weekly, SITE Intelligence Group, a private company that tracks extremist activity on the web, said a frequent commenter on Shumukh-al-Islam, a site that frequently received messages from Al Qaeda in the United States, has called on Muslims to kill the CBS talk show host. Why? EW reports Letterman mocked the death of accused terrorist leader Ilyas Kashmiri.
Kashmiri was killed by a US airstrike in Pakistan in June 2011.
'Is there not amongst you a Sayyid Nosair al-Masri (may Allah release him) to cut the tongue of this lowly Jew and shut it forever,' a poster who calls himself Umar al-Basrawi wrote. 'Just as Sayyid (may Allah release him) did with the Jew Kahane.'
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The Pentagon is considering a drastic overhaul of the military's retirement system that would change the 50-year-old program into a 401(k)-style pension plan.
According to Fox News, a panel of high-level military advisors, called the Defense Business Board, has determined that the current retirement plan is no longer affordable, and radical changes are needed to cut costs.
The change would make a mandatory Thrift Savings Plan (TSP) into which both service members and the Department of Defense would make contributions. Members would then decide annually how they'd like to invest their money. Like civilian 401(k) plans, the TSPs would be vulnerable to market fluctuations.
There is already a current TSP in place, though contributions to it are voluntary.
The plan is projected to save $250 billion over 20 years, according to CBS News. It would not affect current retirees.
Proponents of the reform say that, in addition to saving the government money, it would also make the retirement system more equitable. Currently, retirees with less than 20 years of service are ineligible for retirement benefits, something that would change under the new system.
- Panetta Says Debt Crisis Could Be "Devastating" To National Security
- Last Week's Market Rollercoaster Sent State Pension Funds Reeling
- Obama: Warren Buffett Is Right On Taxes
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